A way to commitment: Do I really mean to write?

I was a mischievous, jovial, winsome kid who were really a fond of playing around the place. I was a child who cry often that goes on in remote places that people hated to hear. The same as the other kid we taught by our parents how to write. My mother taught me how, she firmly held my hand that I was holding a piece of pencil by slowly writing the English alphabet into a scratch of a paper. It’s hard at first but my mother didn’t lose her hope to teach me. Often, a lot of papers were wasted just how to correct my writing, days had passed, finally, a kid learned how to write. 

In our school years, during our pre-school and primary education, school excavated learning resources to mold the pupils to have the basic skills and moral values as individual. We built our capabilities that allowing us to comprehend and produce spoken language for proper and effective interpersonal communication. We learn how to listen, speak, read, and WRITE. From the alphabets we wrote at the first glance at learning how to write to writing the lectures on the board and to books that were given for us to learn. We noticed ourselves that we frequently move our heads up looking on the board and down to write the notes that suddenly causing a cervical pain--- maybe a little pain, strain or even stiff neck (that sounds terrible). Finally, I fired up the adolescence age, and tried to be involved in writing a poem, a slogan, essays, reflections, etc. I entailed myself to many writing activities that allowing me to school community and civic engagement and intersects to creativity and credibility. But so far, at all, I, myself, didn’t know the ignition of purpose on how to build a better result of writing. I just write. I was a cocky writer and too excited to write. I just write it out without watering the seed planted of why I am writing. Now my question I made up is, Do I mean to write? An answer is “NO”.

Nowadays, reading isn’t just to physical materials but due to high technologies our lives made easier. We can read a tangible all-in-one technology such as computers and phones. We can read articles, news, book contents, and other reading resources to many applications and platforms anytime and anywhere. Reading is now on our hands and easy access. But how can we learn how to write? I know this is a simple twisted question but, in the core, it is quite hard in a matter of creating. I have started to learn how to write a single letter and continue into a word, a sentence and a paragraph. I have started writing of what I have read and seen but how can I create and make it on my own? I know this is hard because there are circumstances and standards that you must meet in between and in line with the criteria. I made to the point that in the moment that I want to write blogs, I have the struggles in the question of “HOW”. Everything is in chaos and untidy mess of ideas and thoughts in mind. I can’t make and come up to the point of the words that don’t come out and having shambles of what I should write and what the content should have. 

I have searched on Google on how to write and start a blog. I’d take all step by step process on how to make it. These thoughts were crossing on my mind, the questions made me to a shamble vibration feeling, Do I have the capacity to influence? Would my contents have all its sense? Does this writing would connect to people’s interest? Are they have interest to read it? What if the content is not comprehensible enough to catch deep rooted writers and readers? Do I have the capacity to write? I have this anxiety to deal with before I can focus to the ungrounded basis of profound upbuilt wisdom. I still have the writings on my notebook that I considered disregarded stuff, and my short content statuses on Facebook and my page ItSays about rants in life that I felt and made myself stupefied. Years had gone by, on tough moments, I still have my head-scratching discombobulated point of writing a whole content of a blog. Undeniably, time isn’t yet coming for me to build this track and to recognize myself that I am into writing. I still don’t know where and when to start when I have the appetency juncture in time. I have had all the cogent, cocky contents of my writings that I still don’t believe it has its own significance. Despite all these, I made all the rants and “mema” moments recognizable on myself that I did it in my past, be shockingly wowed onto this that I have and did all these stuffs. 

Each one of us in the world has passion and career to pursue in life. Some people thoroughly have seen and made it, but some are unfortunately didn’t make it yet and running on tough process. We still don’t know our time but in the mean point, we all have our timelines in life, some will get into their dreams and you’re dealing with pressures and adversity on this moment and you’d have your insecurities to your friends and batchmates that they get what they need and pursue their dreams but you have the tension and anxiety that you can’t. Undeniably, I still have this time, but I have the thoughts of this guide that we all have our differences and each one of us has its timeline that we will get into the place we really deserve to have. But how we will get there? FOCUS.

In today’s generation, life made easier because of the high technologies that we have. One click. You can order. Buy. Sell. Socialize. Like. Comment. Share. Post. Upload. Download. Write. See. Listen. Watch. Scroll-up. Scroll-down. Until a lot of time is wasted on your day. We get and be into a trending challenge, pose, videos, memes, rants, gullibility incidences, etc. We are being eaten from the technologies that also people wanted. Download a game, played a game, suddenly, behavior is being affected and losing social interaction. Our heads are down by using meaningless technologies but not into eloquent class of meaningful usage of self-gratification. Now, are we focused? I don’t think we are. World is thoroughly chaos. Unity of one’s own goal and commitment isn’t being met in line with common interests and wrath of principles flew by the egocentric interests. A lot of barriers made us unfocused. The passion and career that we have is definitely a trash, we will not get there. I will not be a writer. A manager. A public speaker. An author. A blogger. You will not be the same as I want in life, a painter, a computer analyst, a designer, a creator, a film maker, a director, a popular artist, a well-favored singer, a well-executed dancer, a poet, whatever your passion is, you and I will not get there if we are unfocused. How we will get there? Just be FOCUS.

Our lives live not just an isolated self but running with different people who influenced us, inspired to keep going and striving us for failures and success. Our parents who dig up a deep excavated propensity to learn and build self. The authors who rolled up advancement of reality’s adversity and applied us to infinite impossibilities that turned up to be real through innovatory of imagination. The richest people in state of life and by their hearts who truly believe a betterment despite how dishevelment the world is and make up alter ego pursuance. 

Jay Shetty, a former monk and now an award-winning host, a storyteller and viral content creator, in which his content’s wisdom videos garnered over one billion views, is one of my inspirations to start and write a blog and someday to be a public speaker in which dream I want to become in the future. I entailed myself to his exclusive Facebook group in which I registered and be into. He ran last 12th to 16th of April 2018, a 5-day Success Habits Challenge. I have learned so much and kept me motivated to do such things. From early riser on day 1 to elevated living on day 5 despite having broadcast interruption often. And I still keeping myself aware and it’s a privilege for me to be one of those people who wanted to be a better one in life as individual. 

Simon Sinek, an organizational consultant and a public speaker who spoke many times in a media organization under a slogan “ideas worth spreading”, Ted Talk, is one of my greatest inspirations in public speaking whom himself discovered some remarkable patterns in how people think, act, and communicate. He isn’t just inspired cooperation and its leaders but to people who want to be the same as facing utmost optimistic glances and become an influencer to work with non-egocentric interest. And nowadays, in today’s generation, “MeMeMe Generation” that they called,  the reason of having narcissistic behavior and technology addiction, he himself gave a speech about millennials to lay bare useless stuff towards achieving goals and be forwardly looking to common good.

These two people, Jay Shetty and Simon Sinek and other media and public influencers who made and keeping me motivated and inspired to strive failures, to live with our typos in life, to take us a note that failing is not always a failure, we even just first attempting in learning and let us shake the world off without limits.

And afterwards of having teases of facing learnings with highly influencers in the world, I started a progress to take a step on the dreams I want to achieve on in the future. Because of losing and lacking opportunities, I want to make it on my own to ahead of time to be disclosed and grabbed. First, I started taking educational units in my alma mater, Columban College, Inc., 18 units to be done, a total of 6 subjects to be under in two semesters depending on subject’s availability and failings if it must be adding more. Then, I changed my routine to try the habit challenge that I’ve been into. I am waking up early, do exercise to energize and be physically fit, and fill the day with a productive progress. In that moment, I still trying to write a personal blog to be posted on my future website. Then, I want to make my YouTube channel in which content is to inspire netizens and non-netizens with a Ted Talk-inspired way of speaking whom I, myself, is speaking about social and world issues. 

But, during trying all these plans in momentum of alter ego, a big problem is approaching to be a barrier and an antagonist of destroying dreams and be delayed on process. I admit that I am a procrastinator (maybe am a master of this matter). First things first, I didn’t continue writing a blog and pursuing it. Still on cramming and meeting deadlines on near end. Filling the day without doing. Frequently thinking of plans to do without taking further actions first. I am lazy. A master procrastinator. A grumbler. Having a manana habit that often delaying something. I want to do it now but myself always saying you cansaying do it later or tomorrow, it’s not really important and a priority, whispers on ear like you can watch your favorite shows then do it after. Check your phone for social updates such as twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and watch videos on YouTube to be updated on contemporary and trending events. Friends are asking hang-outs in evening and midnight time while having a daily task to do. There were times that I feel exhausted and lacking sleep and energy, I ended up taking a rest and sleep and saying I can do it tomorrow. Doing all these habitual actions, I found myself that there is something wrong within myself that should be thoroughly changed. It’s quite hard to do and pursue things to make myself a better individual with tons of outside and inside barriers. I ask myself many questions, what’s wrong with me? How can I achieve my goals if I still doing my bad habits and having this kind of attitude and behavior? How can I start writing without procrastinating? How can I start my plans with my full force to achieving it? How can I get rid of this? How can I make a step or a progress? How can I change myself? How can I achieve more? What if I ended up being nothing and making plans to be useless? I am really confused of what are the things I should do. I still make plans and never achieving it. I kept myself motivated by doing affirmations, keeping motivational notes, be entailed and still watching videos from influencers and to the reason why I am achieving this. I realized that all these things are completely useless if I am not thoroughly motivated, committed, disciplined, and being a responsible person. You possessed to be motivated but you’re delaying your work by watching your favorite shows on Televisions and social medias, scrolling up and down, checking mydays, posting, reacting, commenting, sharing on Facebook. Hanging out with friends, lying on bed holding your phone texting, calling with someone and taking selfies. This daily routine is taking almost of your time in a day but what did you achieve? What did you finish? Same as me--- nothing. I realize that to achieve plans and goals I should have to get rid of bad habits that I am having and I should be committed in and out of myself because If I don’t want changes and face fears there’s no growth in me, there’s no better version on me, I will have nothing If I still on the way I am standing on and not taking progress and a step at a time to move forward in life. It’s okay to be motivated by watching motivational videos, do affirmations, take good notes, do a new lifestyle and habits, but don’t forget to take things responsibly on time and be finished as it is planned and get rid of barriers by being committed and disciplined person to achieve of what dreams you are aiming for. 

Today, at this moment, I realize that writing isn’t the way of my mind’s desire due to deviant low degree of capacity to fill the indefectible content of what writing should have. But, heart is really into a battle that writing isn’t just to people who are born to and into writing but to those people who middlingly splitting wayward of passion and make on its way to clench a passion mismatch and eventually will become its one’s own fulfilment. Just like how my mother taught me how to write for me to learn and start writing, just like today on myself, I am just starting to crawl. My mother firmly held my hand to write the English alphabets out on my paper, just like today on myself, I firmly holding the wisdom that should be broaden and deepen because every changes and challenges in life is just a beginning, then there’s no to end it. And “there’s A WAY TO COMMITMENT and get things on focus rather than being AWAY TO COMMITMENT and get things unfocused”. My final question is, without further ado, Do I really mean to write? My final answer is yes for as long as there’s a consistency and commitment, I can answer that question that I am into writing.